Liquid Gold...Fueling Our Fun Ain't Cheap

 "I was watching that movie Mad Max, you know that movie where gas is so precious that people are killing each other for a few gallons. It was set in the future -- I believe it was August." ~Jay Leno

 

$40…$41…$42…Oh how fast those tiny little numbers on the LCD at the gas pump do fly!  It has become downright painful to fill up for a day of fun.  And the more remote you are, the closer to a resort area you are, and the more performance specifications your vessel has, the more expen$ive it is to top off the tanks. 

Living in the Florida Keys, I neatly fit into all three above-mentioned categories.  Yay Me!  I have to run 93 Octane for optimal performance on my supercharged engine.  What used to cost $20 for a day on the water now runs $40 or more.  Is there ANYTHING that can be done to minimize the wallet gouging and stop me from putting out the For Sale sign on my beloved water therapist?  Yes, there is, and it does not involve shutting off the electricity and water to the house or resort to eating tree grubs and salamanders!

Rule of thumb #1…avoid filling up at a marina AT ALL COSTS (no pun intended!).  Marina gas is expensive, is often limited to 87 Octane and diesel, and is notorious for poor quality, water-mixed fuel.  I was cruising through Boot Key Harbor in Marathon last weekend and rode past 3 different fuel docks.

The cheapest Regular Unleaded…was $5.45 A GALLON?!?!  WTF, are they using precious metal additives?  No thank you!  It is nice to know these places are there in the event of an emergency, but I avoid marina fills whenever possible.  There are different ways to tote your own extra gas around.  Everything from primitive to elaborate.  There are all kinds of long-distance adventurers that regularly travel remote stretches of waterway who have engineered various types of high volume fuel carrying devices.  Many are even piped right into the fuel lines so that switching over to reserves does not require any stopping and pouring.  I am a bit of a Neanderthal; I just throw 1 or 2 two-gallon cans into a soft cooler and ride them on the rear platform.  If I need to actually use them, I just pull over on a sandbar or some place out of the wind and current and dump them in.  

Fancy-Schmancy

My cheapskate method. Hey, it works!

Rule #2…slow it down.  Those of you riding high performance machines might cringe at the thought of traveling somewhere any slower than As Fast As You Can Possibly Go, but trust me, it makes a huge difference in fuel consumption.  I have tested this again and again.  On my Seadoo GTR 215, I can get as much as 85+ miles from a tank if I keep it at 4500 rpms.  My ski even has an Eco Mode, which when activated, limits your rpms and acceleration.  You must learn to discipline yourself (and control your insatiable need to beat every other ski in the vicinity) and ease up on the throttle.  This rule may only apply to trekkers that want to cover some distance more affordably.  If you just prefer to launch and ride around like a rabid lemur within sight of the dock all afternoon, fossil fuel away.

Rule #3…FUEL PERKS.  Many supermarkets are offering fuel rewards points with local participating gas stations.  For every so many dollars you spend on groceries, you get discounts on gas.  Mine offers $0.05 per gallon for every $50 spent on groceries.  When you have as many guests as I do, that adds up quickly.  I have saved as much as $1.20 per gallon on a fillup.  So I guess I am sort of giving you the green light to be gluttonous!  The more you shovel down your gullet, the more you will save on jet ski gas!  Anyone getting hungry?

Rule #4…Maintenance, maintenance, maintenance.  Like any other engine, a poorly tuned engine runs crappily, has a shortened life span, and eats more fuel!  Keep up on oil changes (4-stroke), spark plugs, and fuel filter replacement/inspection.  Anything that makes your engine work harder will also consume more gold, er, petrol.  

Summer is loaded with pesky holidays, which are really just a convenient excuse for vendors to jack up prices.  Everything is more expensive, from airfare to hotels to gas.  If you are planning to hit the water for one of the big long weekends, consider buying your gas a week or so beforehand.  There are also apps and websites devoted to helping consumers find the cheapest fuel in their area (Try www.gasbuddy.com).  It might be worth driving the extra distance to load up.  While you are there, fill the ski, your gas cans, and your truck.  Believe me…none of that gas will go to waste!

Your partner in weekend fun

If you simply must pull out all the stops, there is always the highly undesirable option of riding less (Yoiks!).  In this day and age, it is sometimes the way it goes.  Having a fuel-dependent sport gives us a bit of a short straw.  You do not have to give it up completely!  But staying dry will keep some more cash in your pocket.  Perhaps one day skis will run on french fry grease, but until then, we are at the mercy of the petroleum tycoons and various world political events that control prices.  Doubling up on rides could help defray costs if you split fuel costs and piloting time with a friend.

Well there you have it!  I have run down what you can do to stretch your budget over the growing costs of depositing fossil fuels into your floating burn bin.  If none of these appeal to you, there is always overturning the US Federal Reserve and reestablishing the value of US currency in the global marketplace.  But if you ask me, it might be easier (and tastier) to go for that Buy One-Get One Free Doritos offer and build up your fuel perks instead.  Bon appetit!

Share the fun (and the fuel costs) with a friend!

It's neither Camping nor Glamping...it's Scamping!

“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.” ~Dave Barry

Scamping  \skam’-ping\ noun:  a method of roughing it that involves a jet ski, a big ass float, a tent, some typical camping implements, and at least 2 flasks.

Camping is a treasured pastime.  Almost everyone has a camping story: “I ate hot dogs and smores and slept outside!” “We downed a 12-pack, took off all our clothes after dark, and ran through the forest like avatars!” “It was a metaphysical experience” “I got chased by a bear” “It was dirty, damp, mosquito-ridden hell” "Sasquatch!".  Ah the memories!  Who doesn’t love a good camping trip?

Camping...sort of

There are many kinds of camping.  Traditional tent camping at the local state forest or campground, wilderness camping for those who prefer to do it Bear Grylls-style…and then there is glamping.  I learned of this strange phenomenon recently when a friend posted some photos from a glamping trip in the NC mountains.  It translates to Glamour Camping, or yuppy camping for those that like the Idea of Camping but do not want to deal with the insects, rain storms, wildlife, and spinal misalignment that results from sleeping outside on the ground.  It involves planting a box on wheels full of creature comforts (some nicer than what I have in my regular house) in the middle of a forest-y or mountain-y location, setting up some reclining designer chairs inside the screened in patio, and sipping on a steaming hot Keurig café latte.

A few years back, I was searching for something.  I had been camping, and I had been camping with my ski via packing camping supplies on board and riding out to an island and setting up there.  But it still felt like there was a camping void to fill, one that could only be satisfied by something completely new and untested.  The wheels cranked, and for the next few weeks I began working on a crazy plan.  Crazy, in part, because it was to be completely untested upon Go Time.

How could I combine my love of the water and riding with living outdoors for an extended period of time that did not involve existing methods?  Two words: Floating Camping!  That was it.  I envisioned it, I had joked about it with riding buddies before.  But why not bring it to life?  There was no reason that I could see that it would not be a reasonable thing to try.  And it could be done with minimal investment and no specialized equipment.  The hair-brained scheme had merit, and momentum.  I made a list and got to work.

(Note: This is not a tutorial about camping.  If you need to learn about how to go camping, I suggest you read the Jungle Book or Lord of the Flies.  I am going to focus on the absurdity of making ordinary camping extraordinary!  And floating!)

Late night sinking = Bad!

The only thing that actually needed to be purchased was my floating base.  I thought about trying to get one of those gigantic towables that hold 5 people.  It would certainly have enough real estate to support a tent and then some.  But my oh my, they aren’t cheap!  Suitable candidates were going for $300+ on Overton’s.  Too much.  So I went where all cheapskates of the universe go when they want something they cannot afford otherwise: Walmart.  While it may be my least favorite store anywhere ever, it admittedly does have a plethora of cheap Chinese-made goods that make sense for light/one time use.  Plus I was craving Great Value Animal Krackers…so off I went.  What I returned with was a round 6’ diameter pool raft with 4 air chambers and grab handles around the outer perimeter.  I paid maybe $20 - $30 for it.  I did not require something as durable and reinforced as a towable – this merely had to hold air and float, and I liked that it had multiple air chambers, so if one started leaking, I would not go down like the Titanic in the middle of the night.

Showering and toothbrushing were observed!

I also refreshed the batteries in my portable bow and stern lights.  The single biggest safety measure a boater needs to take when overnighting on the water is ensuring that they are lit and visible to other boaters.  Other than that, the remainder of my supplies were the usual basics of camping: tent, pillow, musical implement, a cooler with some vittles and rum, and a change of clothes.  Whenever I ski camp, I always pack my 5-gallon collapsible water jug…it is made of a soft moldable plastic so when not in use it can be flattened and I store it under the storage bucket in the ski.  Filling it up is a matter of pulling up to a fuel dock and asking to borrow the hose.  I did this on my way out to my planned site and carried it in the footwell once full.  This would be my shower and toothbrushing water.  No scuzz camping!

Staging on the soon-to-be biting insect-infested island.

So on departure morning, I packed my steed and hit the water bright and early.   I was living in Miami at the time and decided to go to Islamorada to try out the craziness.  The further from home you are, the less chance you have to wanker out and go home in defeat.  I was committed; it HAD to work!  I made the 70 or so mile ride.  It was a picture perfect summer day.  There was not a cloud around and the winds were light.  Other than getting harassed by the National Park Service while (illegally) crossing Biscayne National Park en route, the trip was stellar.  Islamorada is home to a very popular party sandbar that can easily attract a couple hundred boats on a weekend such as this.  I spent my day socializing with boaters, who all held a respectful inquisitiveness about all the stuff I was toting on my Seadoo.  When I explained my intentions, I was met with astonishment/intrigue/disbelief/appreciation for creativity.  I told them I would check back in the next day and report on the experience.  So after filling up on Barnacle Burgers and beer from the floating snack bar that is a regular fixture at the sandbar on weekends, I set out to get the scamp site set up.  I stopped and filled the water jug at a hotel’s dock (shhhhhhh) and then trekked to the previously scouted site.  I chose an area on the Gulf side of the island chain that had very light/no boat traffic, an uninhabited island nearby, was at least 3 feet deep even at low tide, and was on the leeward side (out of prevailing winds).  I pulled up to the shoreline of the island and unfolded the pool raft, and used a powered inflator which I alligator-clipped onto the Seadoo’s battery.  Afterwards I idled around for a few minutes to recharge the ski battery, as a precaution. 

Next , I set my tent up in the usual fashion.  But instead of staking the corners into the ground, I used some dock line to secure them onto the handles on the raft’s edges, to make sure they did not droop over into the water.  Finally, I secured a line from the ski to the raft and slow-towed my buoyant Shangri La a couple hundred yards from the rapidly encroaching sandflies and noseums popular to mangrove islands at sunset.  After dropping anchor and setting up the anchor light, it was finally time to relax and watch the sun go down in style, from my very own secluded floating porch.  The night ended up being a magical blend of ideal weather, a nearly full moon, and water chockfull of tiny bioluminescent  ocean creatures.

By golly, it worked!

The next morning I was greeted by a boatful of people that had anchored nearby for the night, who also happened to be nudists!  I kindly declined their offer to come aboard for breakfast.  After breaking down scamp, I meandered back to the sandbar, and spent the next while sharing my adventure with the friends I had met the day before in exchange for grilled steak and Heineken (somehow a more tempting option than breakfast with the nudists).  The experiment was a huge success!! 

So there you have it.  I invented something cool because I had a wild idea and put it to the test and brought it to life.  Innovation is refreshing and rewarding.  It could have been a complete disaster and it still would have been fun, albeit more expensive because I would have ended up staying at a hotel last minute.  But I have found that if you really want to make something work, you will find a way.  Keep the creativity flowing, and be sure to add Scamping to your summer plans this year!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! 

What's In A Name?

When you live in Mexico, your houses all have names.” ~Jesse Ventura

Fred

 

As humans, we seem to have an intrinsic need to name things.  Many things.  Sometimes too many things.  Guilty as charged.  I not only named my pets, but also my vehicles and motorcycle, various pieces of furniture, all of my potted plants.  And yes, of course, my Seadoo.  His name is Mr. Otter.  I get many sidelong glances when I refer to the many treasured non-animate objects in my life by name.  But why do we do it?  To me, once you have named something, it has a soul, and you will connect to it in ways you might not have thought possible.  I think you value your [plant, jeep, bike] more when it has a name.  You feel…more responsible for it.  “Oh my god, I forgot to water Fred!” I said in frantic tones as I rushed to fill a pitcher with life-saving water for my little metallic palm on the back deck.  Fred was very grateful, by the way.

The christening of Mr. Otter, sans
bottle smashies.

But in the magical world of boating, naming vessels is practically required.  One of the things I love about boating is the rich history of maritime culture we are derived from and much of the lore, legend, and superstition that surrounds it.  It is tradition that prior to a vessel’s maiden voyage, it be properly christened.  On larger vessels an unopened bottle of champagne is often broken across the bow, as a sort of offering to the gods of the sea.  I really liked the idea of a boat christening, though I was not too keen on the idea of smashing a glass bottle of anything across poor Mr. Otter’s shiny new black gel coat.  So we settled for sprinkling some quality rum over his gunnels from a favorite stock.

So where did the tradition of boat naming begin?  Thousands of years ago, boats were named by their owners based on the belief that if they chose to name it after an important god, it would bring them protection from harm while on voyages.  It was a sort of honorary offering to the gods in exchange for safe passage on water.  As time evolved, boat naming went through a golden era of feminine nomenclature.  Boats in general took on a feminine gender role, and even in naval applications, ships were referred to as “she” and “her”.  We’ve all seen the Sue Ellen and Barbara Marie-type names on boats, especially fishing boats. 

My crazy retired hippie neighbor's boat - the Psychedelic Lollipop. 
Yes, you read that right!

Today’s boat naming has taken things to a whole new level.  We’ve all spent afternoons cruising about chuckling at boat names we see.  Some find ways to creatively use nautical terms in their names, while others allude to the owner’s line of work, weekend warrior motto, fishing obsession, or some personal life reference.  It is really a floating billboard extension of its owner’s personality.   It is all in good fun, and I think naming a boat makes it come ALIVE somehow!

I have noticed that in general, the smaller the boat, the less likely it is to have a name.  I do see some 20+ center consoles that often sport more than just the manufacturer’s name…but disappointingly owners of small vessels do not seem to participate in this wonderful tradition.  I think we ought to change that!   

Make sure you get your daily recommended allowance...

So this winter, while you whittle away the icy months of gloomy non-boatiness, you ought to pop into the garage and visit your floating friend(s) and have a heart to heart.  C’mon…some of you already do that anyway!  So why not give it a name?  You do not even have to tell anyone if you don’t want to…it will be our little secret.  But this spring, on your first launch of the season, do not forget the christening libation.  Make it official, then take [your ski’s name here] for a ride!  

Oh, naughty!