“It just ain’t right.”
~Me
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| Assholes |
The world is not a fair place, I get that. And the conventional, age old wisdom on the
matter is to choose your battles wisely.
Save your energy for the things that matter the most, or that you have
some reasonable ability to control. A
quick and frustrating visit to the Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuge offices
earlier today became one such battle…it is something that both means a lot to
me personally, and my efforts stand a reasonable chance of making some type of
positive change on what I view to be a grave and unconstitutional
injustice: Prohibition of PWC
specifically from federally maintained waterways that any and EVERY other kind
of boat can access.
I do feel a little bad about beating them up over something
that they surely did not personally sign into law…but if they work for and
support the mission of the Refuge, then they also support its policies, and are
on the hook to provide me with a rational, sensible explanation as to why there
is a picture of a PWC inside a circle with a red line across it adorning the
office’s front windows. Frankly I am
surprised there was not also a toxic waste symbol, a box of TNT, and a picture
of a thousand wildlife skeletons next to it based on some of the extremely
negative and unreasonable encounters I’ve had with various wildlife law
enforcement agencies over the years while aboard my ski.
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| How wildlife officials view your PWC |
So where did this all start?
It varies by jurisdiction. In
Biscayne National Park, a 95% aquatic national park, most of which is only
accessible by boat and that stretches from just south of Miami to the northern
fringes of Key Largo in a swatch about 10 miles wide from the shore out to
Elliot Key, PWC were coincidentally banned after a particularly rowdy year at
Elliot Key’s annual non-sanctioned 3 day on-water party that happens every year
coincident with the Columbus Day Regatta boat races in Biscayne Bay, within the
boundaries of the park. It is a
debaucherous accumulation of several hundred boats rafted up on anchor for 3
insane days of adult-style partying.
Need some crack? It’s out
there. Meth…no problem! Ecstasy?
Gotcha covered! And enough
alcohol to fill a Total Wine retail store.
So one particular year, some drunk idiot got on a PWC and ran someone
over and caused a casualty. The
response? Ban PWC from these waters
FOREVER because lord knows that under those circumstances no one could POSSIBLY
be injured by any other kind of boat.
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| Your outboards aren't damaging the ecosystem? Huh. |
Yet if you speak to park personnel, they will tell you that
it is due to “unique environmental impacts” that PWC create that other boats do
not. Really?! Like what?
Last time I checked, my environmentally-friendly 4-stroke, 3 star
California Emissions rated inboard/impeller driven vessel is WAY less impactful
than most manatee-mulching 2-stroke outboards.
The days of noisy, dirty exhaust-spewing 2-strokes are mostly behind
us. Then the story turned to the potential of what PWC could do that,
apparently, once again, no other boat could.
Because of their shallow draft they can go places and disturb vegetation
and wildlife. Seriously?! That is like saying that no one should be
allowed to drive a car anywhere ever because there is the potential that they
could just drive it off the road and plow it into a bus stop full of people or
a bunch of baby deer. So why don’t we
just ban all cars while we are at it.
And since we are adopting this brilliant logic, we’d better also ground
airplanes, ban electricity, and arrest anyone who scowls menacingly, because
there is a potential they might get angry and hurt someone. Awesome.
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| Quick...ban ALL motor vehicles, because they could potentially be used as weapons of mass destruction against cute little deer!! |
The excuse the Refuge people gave me was that “PWC have the
ability to get into the extremely shallow waters around mangrove islands where
herons are nesting, and getting too close stresses the [endangered] birds and
makes them fly off, therefore using energy wastefully”. How can anyone keep a straight face and tell
me this is a reasonable explanation??
The PWC does not have “ability”.
It is a machine. It does NOTHING
unless an operator directs it to. So let’s
not place the blame on the vessel, let’s place it on the operator!! Now I am not picking on the Refuge people
because they believe in protecting wildlife.
I am ALL for being a good environmental steward and I love wildlife and
the presence of refuges. What I am
asking is to be fair about how you regulate, and do so equitably.
At the end of the day, this is barely about the environment,
and more about banning PWC from places where other types of boaters find them
inconvenient or objectionable. It has
been a problem since the birth of PWC in the 80’s. The reputation of PWC riders is generally
bad. They are the ones screwing up,
jumping boat wakes too close, getting too close to swimmers, divers, and
fishermen, and just generally disrupting others’ enjoyment of the
waterways. There is also a distinct lack
of common courtesy at boat ramps and islands and sandbars or other gathering
places. One of the problems here truly
is unfair. The very same agencies that
are banning PWC left and right, complaining about them, and writing ample
summons, are doing nothing to support a proactive solution…EDUCATION.
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| Regulatory review + waterways = bad news for boaters most of the time |
In most places, there is no real education requirement for a
brand new PWC operator to lawfully ride in public waters. Sadly this leaves them prey to a whole
pre-established crowd of PWC-haters that will criticize and scrutinize
everything they do, even when they are not doing anything wrong. As a boat genre, we are guilty before proven
innocent. So today, I have decided that
I am going to use of my right as a taxpaying member of public and participate
in the Refuge’s public input commentary phase of the Management Plan
review. These do not happen very often,
and if you do not speak up, you might lose your chance to have any influence on
policy changes for a decade or more. So
it is important that you pay attention to public notices about the local,
state, and federal waters in your area.
If you don’t, you might one day find the boat ramp pulled right out from
under you. These are YOUR waterways as
much as anyone else’s…so do not be a lazy blob!
Fight for what’s rightfully yours!
So for the time being, when I get to the end of my canal, I
will continue to turn left. If I go
right, I will be mercilessly chased down by the local fish cops, treated like a
second rate citizen, and sent shamefully idling away with an expensive (and
unjust) citation. All because I passed
over some imaginary line on a chart that dictates when PWC turn from friendly,
environmentally undangerous boats to vicious, satanic fish and bird warlords
out to destroy entire ecosystems in one fire-fueled pass through. Does that sound ridiculous? Good, because it is! Discrimination is occurring at all levels…even
if your local lake is not in danger, taking 5 minutes to sign an online
petition for a National Park policy change can make a difference to hundreds or
even thousands of other fellow PWCers.
And the day your local lake DOES come under attack by ski-haters, it
would be nice to know others would do the same for you. Now get online and help your fellow PWC brethren
fight the Good Fight.
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| Awesome mangrove islands in the Refuge, I WILL see you soon! |
