MAPPINESS IS HAPPINESS

“The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church.” ~Ferdinand Magellan

“I can see the bridge from here…how hard could it be?”  [derisive snort]  Spoken like a true amateur boater.  Well congratulations, you are helping keep fine companies like Sea Tow and BoatUS in lucrative business!

 

Someone forgot to check the nav charts!

Unless you are one of those people that never, ever ventures outside your community lake or wanders more than a mile or 2 from the boat ramp on the Intracoastal Waterway, then this gripe may not be for you.  On the other hand, you may learn a thing or two you didn’t know, with one simple tool…a map!  In the boating world, we call them navigation charts.  Learning how to read a nav chart is no different than learning how to use road maps or, more relevant to today’s trends, GPS.  Sure, you CAN get by without these…but WOW is sh*t ever so much easier and less stressful when we use these brilliant graphical devices!  Now we know how to make an effective detour, find scenic routes through National Parks, know where we might find an unexpected toll road…and if you are using a common civilian GPS it will even tell you where gas stations, restaurants, and other popular services are.  Unless you are in a mid-life crisis, and are intentionally driving around trying to get lost, learning how to understand a road atlas in kinda basic, right?

The same applies to boating.  Repetition breeds familiarity, but the growing trend among PWC riders is travel…and some of it very long distances.  And that means more time is being spent in new, untested waters.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know a little about the area before you punch the throttle and hope for the best?  I think so!

The best route between A & B is not always a straight line!

Here in the Keys, I have reasons 6 ways from Sunday to have and heavily use nav charts.  As beautiful as it is, it is surrounded by endless hazards that might not be obvious to the untrained eye.  First and foremost, the archipelago chain of islands sits in water that can range from 20 feet to 4 inches, and can change from former to latter in the blink of an eye (especially is you are ripping at 70 MPH).  Unless you have witnessed an unfortunate person running balls to the wall hit a shallow and eject over the handlebars in some sort of slow-motion, poetic cartwheel-like train wreck, then maybe this insistence about chart reading of mine doesn’t make much sense to you.  Trust me on this one.  The most valuable information you will get from charts is the depth readings.

Navigation charts are a wealth of essential information.

Then there are other hazards that the charts reveal…submerged pilings, shipwrecks in shallow water, low bridge clearances, location of marked channels to allow safe passage through an area otherwise impassable, and my least favorite…the boundaries of endless wildlife refuges, inside of which PWC are forbidden (Grrrr!).  It only takes being sited by one surly flats fisherman to have a marine patrol boat come flying across the flats, mulching up manatees with his outboards in the name of the law, to write you an expensive fine. (Yes, you are correct…this is a VERY sore spot for me!).  This could have been avoided had you studied the charts before heading out into unknown territory.  There is simply no reason to find yourself grounded on the flats, completely lost, or with a citation!

Shallow entrance into Top Secret Mangrove Lair, marked
only with a few PVC pipes installed by locals.

Then there are the fun parts about looking at the charts…like discovering little hidden spots that you would have never seen by scanning the horizon.  It is amazing how ambiguous the shoreline can look from the water.  You might be surprised to ride a mile out from the dock, turn around, and not be able to recognize where you just came from!  I cannot tell you how many cool little lagoons and mangrove creeks I have discovered by studying a combination of charts and Google Earth (I am hopelessly addicted to Google Earth).  It is one thing to see it on aerial photography…but accessibility may only be known after reviewing the charts.  As cool as it is…if it is surrounded by a quarter mile of 6” deep water at high tide, you aren’t getting in there!

Just this weekend I was out with the mission to get to a cool hiding spot that a colleague alerted me to, but after reviewing the charts, I had to carefully plan my approach due to gobs of shallow water.  The charts revealed the safest passage.  (One other note…nav charts are made of waterproof paper, so I recommend that you take them with you.  DO NOT rely 100% on your GPS, smart phone, or other electronic gadget…they break, fall in the water, batteries die.  Always have a contingency plan!  Unless your paper maps catch fire or blow away in a gail, they will always be at the ready.  And have a cheap compass on board in case you are super lost and need to take bearing measurements to navigate the old-fashioned way – another invaluable and dying skillset)  I am quite certain that if I did not research first, I would have almost definitely gotten into trouble.  Good news – I made it!  There were a few hairy spots, but at least I expected them.

Nav charts can even be social tools!  Sitting on my ski
reviewing charts yielded a new friend.  Hi, Frank!

I have one final word of advice before I stop Mother Henning about all this, but it is important.  When traveling to new, unfamiliar areas – file a float plan with someone.  Anyone.  Your spouse, your friend, your ex-wife’s brother’s cousin…let someone know what your plan is. That way if you turn up missing from the office on Monday, someone will know where to send help to get you out of the bushes you drove up into full-speed while you were drunk.  Unless they want to collect your bloated life insurance check, then maybe not!

Since I know all of you are probably already getting into your cars to drive over to West Marine to get nav charts, I will simply conclude with a random pretty picture of a random pretty island in my new playground.  Which thanks to my charts I knew I had to travel around the east side of.  Map on, Friends!

Paradise Found

“This must be just like living in paradise…and I don’t want to go home!” ~David Lee Roth

No, I am not riding in a resort's swimming pool!

I am still pinching myself.  Moving to the Florida Keys has been the best decision imaginable.  The weather, the laid-back casual attitude, the wonderful people, the tiki bars, the water…ohhhh the water!  It is high summer in these parts.  And that means that special time of year where it is plausible (and common!) to be in the water for untold hours.  I mean literally in the water.  Swimming, diving, or just lazily floating with libation in-hand.  The surf temperature at the surface is in the mid 80’s.  No joke.  And the clarity of the ocean is like nothing you would expect to find in the States.  The Keys are kind of like a trip to any number of Caribbean islands, only without the need for a passport!

Tropical seclusion is not hard to find.

I’ve been here for a few months now, but only recently finally got situated enough to devote some serious hours to cruising this stunning new territory.  Every turn around the corner, there is something awe-inspiring.  I think it is simply impossible to take a bad photo.  This past weekend I spent many hours riding the turquoise, glassy water.  And I could not stop being overwhelmed by the sheer beauty and awesomeness everywhere!  I have ridden in the Keys many times before.  But this time, knowing that I do not have to leave in a day or two, it felt different somehow.  I decided to take Van Halen’s advice, and NOT go home!

An Island to Oneself.  Oh hell, yes!

It will take me some months to cover all the new treasures and islands and wonders in the lower Keys, but I have already immensely enjoyed the small fraction I have seen.  The area is chock full of grass flats and reefs, sandbars, islets, and tropical wildlife.  Just a 10 minute ride from my dock is a charming little patch reef, in 10 – 15 feet of crystal clear water.  There is also a great local “party sandbar” that abuts a small island, adorned with hammocks and swinging chairs and a BBQ grill contributed by anonymous visitors.  There is even a guy that decided to live there…in a barge-like boat covered in mosquito netting.  Now THAT is taking getting off the grid to a whole new level!

Remnants of the old railroad bridge at Bahia Honda Key

The area is also rich in railroad history, and remnants of the original Flagler Railroad still exist, mainly in the form of old bridges.  There is something visually striking about the industrial greys and rusty browns of century-old decaying infrastructure set against a backdrop of rich blues, greens, and beiges.  The two are opposing in so many ways that they actually complement each other in a strange sort of ironic way.

Many places to relax, courtesy of local seating enthusiasts!

The spirit of exploration is alive and well.  And I couldn’t think of a better place to water-wander.  I am certain there will be all sorts of crazy new ideas and happenings as a result.  The wheels are turning…stay tuned, as I have a feeling there may be future opportunities for you, the Wake Zone community, to get a piece of paradise.  Happy riding, long live summer!

Brutus knows a good thing when he sees it (through doggles)

The Dog Zone: A Step-By-Step Guide to Riding With Your K-9

“The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them.” ~Stanley Coren

So…why disappoint him?  Try taking him with you!  What could be more fun than taking your dog with you on some water adventures?  Well…that does entirely depend on the dog.  Some dogs will love it, others will find it to be sheer terror.  It will also depend on how big or small your dog or doglet is.  Regardless of your situation, following are a few pointers on taking your canine companion on the water aboard your PWC.  (Note: end results may vary!)

STEP 1: Locate the doggie!  Debatably, this step is considered to be an “essential” part of the operation by some.  

Bribery is an acceptable method.

STEP 2: Outfit the doggie in a properly fitting floatation device.  Yes, I am aware that dogs are excellent swimmers.  But some doggies will swim to the point of exhaustion!  But the real benefit is the luggage handle on the back of the life jacket that will allow you to mechanically swoop in and snatch the dog out of the water should it go overboard in mid-cruise.  The high-viz yellow or orange will also make them visible to other boaters while they are in the water.  Moving propellers and doggies are a messy mix!

Visible-from-space dog luggage.

STEP 3: Introduce your dog to your PWC.  Some dogs may take to it immediately, like they belong there.  Others may be fearful and require dragging them by their toenails to get them aboard.  You may want to introduce them to it first on dry land, where they are likely to feel more comfortable walking around on it.  You must be patient and calm if your dog is reluctant!

STEP 4: Find the most stable and comfortable location on your ski for the dog to cruise from.  Depending on the size of the dog, that could be on the seat in front of you, in the foot well on one side, or on your lap.  Or, if your dog is anything like mine, it is all of the above, in a continuous panicky circuit.

Finding a suitable co-captain perch.

STEP 5: Start the ski and idle around near the dock for a few minutes.  The sensation and noise associated with the engine being on may make what was previously an acceptable situation unacceptable to them.  So keep it nice and slow for the first few minutes!  If your dog starts going into meltdown, proceed to Step 6; otherwise proceed to Step 7.

STEP 6: Take a long swig from your flask.

STEP 7: After the dog has found its sea legs/happy place, slowly get up on plane.  Depending on your dog’s comfort zone (or lack thereof), you may want to keep it at a speed that is just barely on plane.  Enough to be cruising comfortably but not too fast.  If your dog decides to take a swan dive when it sees a seagull or other water creature, it will be a much better scenario for both of you if you are not going 55 mph!

There is something about doing your business in the water...

STEP 8: Find an island or sandbar.  What happens next is totally up to the dog!  My dog’s favorite pastime when I take her to islands is eating garbage and rolling in dead things.  Whatever makes them happy!  But a word of caution…try to pick a clean, unpolluted island.  There are a multitude of things left behind by previous boaters (otherwise known as “slobs” back in Miami) that can be harmful to your pet.  Watch for broken glass, discarded chicken bones from previous BBQs, and other such treachery.  Thankfully, the Keys are much cleaner and safer for dog boating than Miami was!

Flasky!

STEP 8: Take several long swigs from your flask while the dog runs around and plays.

 STEP 9: Summon the doggie to make the return voyage.  Again, this step is optional.  As soon as the engine starts, they will come running!  The return journey is often much easier, because the dog is exhausted and now knows what to expect.

No more ode to fish carcass!

STEP 10: Wash the doggie!  Unless you want your house to smell like dog swamp-ass!

This concludes our summer seminar tutorial on How To Ride with a Doggie.  It is my hope that you will give it at least one try.  My dog tends to spaz out on the trip out, but then thoroughly enjoys herself once we get to our destination.  So I torture her with the initial stress for the great payout.  Plus the more you take them, the more they will get used to it/look forward to it.  Make sure their nails are reasonably trimmed, lest you want holes in your marine upholstery!  It’s hot as hell out there now…so go grab your dog and have some fun!

DogActivities should not be restricted to land!

A Propeller From Another Mother

“You and I share the same DNA.  Is there anything more lonely than that?” ~Charlie Kaufman

Here in the Wake Zone, we do more than just ride (believe it or not!).  Hobbies are good for the soul…and often softer on the wallet than a fuel-consumption addiction!  It’s time for a mid-summer off-topic post…but is it REALLY that off-topic?  After all, many things are related in distant, less obvious ways.  So I guess it was no surprise when I was drawn to a unique piece of history many months ago that, as it turns out, isn’t so far removed from my aquatic heritage.

Anytime you see this sign...pull off the road immediately!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…in a tiny outpost in the Florida Everglades, I was visiting one Lucky Cole.  He is a generous, cheerful soul that opens his remote property to visitors most Saturdays and Sundays.  Lucky and his wife Maureen live a simple life.  They have a modest home on a nice piece of land that abuts Big Cypress National Preserve, just 6 miles off US 41 in the Florida Everglades.  When Lucky isn’t photographing nature or lady clients, he is serving up delicious Everglades chili with a side of ice cold beer and some intriguing stories of yesteryear, when real Gladesmen were the only folks hardy enough to live out in the humid, mosquito-swarmed swamps west of Miami and east of Naples.  The property also boasts a collection of…well, Junk!  Lucky is a collector, of everything and anything.  And everything on the property is for sale (except Maureen!).  He has an interesting assortment of old signs and tools, fishing poles, antique furniture, even an autographed birthday bowling pin!  

Life in the elements had not been kind!

I have been visiting Lucky’s for a number of years now…it was a perfect escape from the chaos of urban life, and only an hour’s ride by motorcycle from Miami.  One particular afternoon, something caught my eye.  There, hidden amongst the knick-knacks in a small outbuilding, was something different.  It was a huge wooden propeller, with metal tips on it.  “What is that from, Lucky?”  After scratching his head to think, he replied, “Not sure exactly where it came from.”  Upon closer examination, it was quite weathered, full of termites, but stamped with a serial number that was still legible.  I assumed it must have come from an old airplane.  We agreed to do some research to figure out what it was before coming up with a price.  I had to have it.  It was too cool! 

Said research turned up that in all likelihood, it actually came off an airboat.  That made perfect sense, considering where Lucky lives.  Airboats are the ATV’s of the Everglades.  After several months of visiting it, watching it on the wall of the outbuilding, we finally settled on an exchange of services agreement, in which I received the prop as renumeration for a favor I did for Lucky.  I was very eager to get it home and make a plan for restoration.

Stubborn former wood finish did not give up!

First things first, I had to kill off the termites.  A trip to Home Depot and ¾ of a can of termite death later, my prop was free of cannibalistic insects.  Since moving day was approaching, I decided to put off refinishing it until I moved.  So recently, that event found time in my busy schedule.  My nice termite-free prop was in bad shape…the searing Florida heat and relentless blistering solar penetration over Lord-knows-how-many years had taken its toll.  The wood was stripped completely bare of any finish on the prop tips.  So sanding those areas was a snap.  But the center hub and two areas that once must have sported labels or tags had stubbornly hung onto their original finishes.

A generous and thoughtful neighbor told me to bring it over so I could use his power sander on it.  This was not a job that could be completed by hand sanding (at least not in the next century).  Like magic, after a few hours using different grit sanding papers, the prop was stripped evenly back down to bare wood.  And aside from a few hidden hollow pockets that the ‘mites had dug out, it looked really good!  I wasn’t concerned about flawless perfection…I personally appreciate the patina look.

Sanding, sanding...and more sanding! (and beer!)

For a final finish, I went with a few coats of tung oil.  On recommendation from a wood working friend, it would give it the most minimal and authentic finish.  I did not want to lacquer over it or use anything that would hide the texture and natural color.  The result…AMAZING!  And what could be more suitable?  Propellers are a big part of my life as a boater.  Just because it came from something other than a PWC, doesn’t make it any less awesome in my book.  It’s final showplace will be over my home bar.  It is a neat piece of South Florida history with a great story, that fits in perfectly with all the things I love.  I do not discriminate between props!  They are all my friends, no matter which parent craft they came from!

Serial # still legible

After looking into the serial number burned onto the one blade, and conferring with an airboat enthusiast that has been gliding for many years, this prop was originally manufactured by Aerostick, and it may have been originally manufactured and designed to be used on a 6 cylinder aircraft engine in the 220 – 260 hp range.  I learned that these propellers were selected by some airboat manufacturers as retrofit parts for use in their airboats.  For all I know, this one may have been used on an airplane for part of its life, and then moved over to an airboat later.  Or it may have only ever been on an airboat.  I will be using the serial number info to try and find out…but the mystery of its use is part of the allure.  What is clear is why it was eventually decommissioned.  One of the blade tips is dinged.  This would make it ineffective for either purpose.  But makes it perfectly suitable to hang on my wall!!

I hope you all have been taking some time this summer to work on some interesting pet projects this summer when you are not out riding.  Or maybe you do them in the wintertime when riding isn’t possible.  Here in the Keys, there is no winter, so now seemed like as good a time as any.  So whether it is building a RC helicopter, creating a Japanese garden, or inventing the next ugly rubber shoes with swiss cheese holes in them, take time to follow your passions and work on fun stuff!  It’s good for your mind and breaks up the monotony, and also works great for stress relief.  Craft on, my watery friends!

All done!  Now back to your regularly scheduled Wake Zone.